As I mentioned in my post, The Terrifying Prospect of Having Another Baby, my family is at a pivotal juncture. For so many reasons, trying to conceive for a second time has been a stick of emotional dynamite.
No doubt, dads experience some of this too, but honestly I’m writing this for my ladies out there. To the moms trying to conceive, I’m right here with you in crazy town. To anyone struggling with fertility issues, I can’t even begin to comprehend your strength.
Personally, it has been relatively easy for my to get pregnant in the past. I’m very lucky. That said, here are some reasons why even when it’s “easy,” it isn’t easy.
1. The Female Body is Complex
Postpartum never really ends after your first. Pregnancy and breast feeding can keep your system in flux.
Maybe like me, after the dust settled, you went back to the method of birth control you were using before you got pregnant. I did this only to discover that my body had changed. After months of experiencing strange side effects, I once again got off hormonal birth control.
Apparently, my body/hormones are over being fucked with. Cue the PMS, intense acne, long cycles, and emotional whiplash. If you are sensitive to hormonal fluctuations, pregnancy and trying to conceive can put your body through hell.
2. You Have a Good Idea What’s Coming Next
Some women make pregnancy look so beautiful and magical. Most of us have a different experience. The aches, the nausea, the feeling that you are being torn apart from the inside – Oh, how enchanting!
It was no cake walk the first time. Now you have a child that needs you, responsibilities out your hemroided ass (magic!), and absolutely no time. It’s enough to make you give the evil eye to every happy person (man) you meet.
3. Trying to Conceive = Constant Uncertainty
That’s another thing about pregnancy, childbirth, and parenting – boy, do you miss having control. Despite being the star of this show, you’re really just along for the ride, a helpless passenger on your own journey. Sigh.
The time between ovulation and your expected period is referred to as the two week wait. You know this already if you’ve ever visited a TTC (trying to conceive) board. And you have. Admit it.
The two week wait can turn a normal woman into a straight-up lunatic. We all know life is change. Control is an illusion. Rationally, you know that growth and change are good things. Irrationally, having your lack of control thrown in your face can make you feel powerless and anxious.
4. You Are a Person, Not Just a Vessel
You’re taking your prenatal. You cut back on drinking. You’re eating a lot of kale. You’re trying to exercise. You have been skipping that second (and third) cup of coffee. Good for you.
Seriously, you are a great mom and a terrific human being, except when you get your period. Then you drink a bottle of wine and try to recapture the care-free youthful version of yourself. Now with more cynicism and new perma-stained leggings!
5. Trying to Conceive = Constant Pressure
Making sex a priority should be fun. Getting to have a bunch of unprotected sex with a partner you love is awesome, right? If only it were that simple.
As you know from the TTC boards (couldn’t help it), there is about a week each cycle that you are likely to conceive. Chances are, you’ve got other stuff going on that week. Work deadlines, kid’s events, whatever, there is a lot to do, for both you and your partner.
After a long day, you get the kid to sleep, and probably fall into bed exhausted. Even if sex is super fun, trying to conceive can easily turn it into another item on your to-do list.
After all, there’s no wishy-washy, “We’ll see what happens” this time. You’ve decided to do this. You’ve been planning for it. You want your kids to be a certain amount apart in age. You’re not getting any younger. It’s your goddamn fertile window. Get to it. What could be sexier?
All we can do is throw our hands up in the air and try to enjoy the emotional roller coaster. Good luck out there, mamas.