You know that person that can bullshit an answer with such confidence you actually start to believe them, despite KNOWING they’re wrong? They make absolute statements. They don’t wonder and they don’t ask. Oh, no. They tell you. Even when they are corrected, they barely acknowledge their mistake, before moving on to the next subject with that same surety.
There is a name for these people: lawyers. I’m kidding (mostly).
People who present themselves with this kind confidence are often extroverted. They are also decisive (even if those decisions are rushed or poorly informed). Due to these traits, they often fill leadership positions and enjoy a fair amount of financial success.
Confidence, whether it is warranted or not, can take you places.
Sadly, I am not one of these people. I don’t know if you could tell by my slightly bitter and resentful tone…
Are quiet, unsure introverts destined to be ignored and passed over? How do we borrow some of that magic confidence from our outspoken counterparts?
Is it a Gender Thing?
Not always, but yeah, it does often come into play. Did any other ladies out there cry at that Glenn Close’s Golden Globes acceptance speech? In case you missed it, here is my favorite part:
And I feel what I’ve learned in this whole experience is that women, you know, we’re nurturers, that’s what’s expected of us. We have our children, we have our husbands if we’re lucky enough and our partners, whoever. But we have to find personal fulfillment. We have to follow our dreams. We have to say, I can do that and I should be allowed to do that.
Many of us grew up seeing women filling the role of support system. We often push for the success of our partners and our children in a way we would never do for ourselves. We need to turn that nurturing instinct inwards. It is time to stop deferring to others and undermining our own worth.
All that said, I know plenty of strong, confident women. Conversely, imposter syndrome can affect anyone. Certainly, men can lack of demonstrable confidence too.
Not Cut Out For Sales?
Confidence is selling yourself. Sometimes you might have to pretend you have the answers when you don’t. Naturally, I find this idea abhorrent. It genuinely bothers me when people are overconfident.
You know what else bothers me? My inability to sound sure of something, even when I am one-hundred percent certain.
An Example:
Confident Person: Says something incorrect as if it’s inarguable fact.
Me: Actually, I think…
Confident Person: No. It’s this way.
Me: I believe that….
Confident Person: Oh. Well anyway, as I was saying…
The main factor in the confidence divide is that outwardly confident people minimize their doubt, while others downplay their certainty.
I tend to start statements with, “I think, I feel, or It seems that…” It’s like a tic. I can’t stop. I barely even register that I’m doing it. Does anyone else have this problem?
Be Confident in YOUR Way
The truth is, I don’t really want to be a leader. If you do, go after it! Show everyone what you have to offer. Do it loud and do it proud.
As for me, I’m trying to accept that even if I’m the only one that knows it, I am worthy and incredibly capable.
Humility is a virtue to be admired and respected. Arrogant people might earn more money, or seem more conventionally successful, but everyone has their own values/goals/strengths. There is a lot that can be learned from the meek.
The trick is to keep humility from turning into self-sacrifice. It’s okay to bite your tongue. Let a person with loud confidence have their say. Take all your self-awareness and inward attention and build it into a quiet confidence.
Be confident in your strengths, even if they remain hidden to others, because it’s a” about “personal fulfillment.” Thanks for the reminder, Ms. Close.