It’s late January, so it’s time to start thinking about New Years resolutions! Sorry I’m just getting to this now, but I’ve been in a stress-induced drinking binge for the last two months. It was my son’s second Christmas and now I’m starting to truly understand what the holidays are like for parents.
Mom Magic is Made With Sweat and Tears
I was actually VERY early to the things-are-gonna-be-different-this-time mentality. When December came, we got our tree and decorated as early as my husband would allow. I bought most of OUR Christmas presents by the first of December. Please note the use of pronouns!
As the proud owner of a vagina, it was up to me to buy presents for both my family and my husband’s family. It is fun to shop for toys, so nieces and nephews were no problem. But my mother-in-law? Do I really need another mother to disappoint with my attempts and gift giving? (She has already received about 20 scarves in the last decade.)
Regardless, I soldiered on. Presents were bought, hidden, and wrapped. Pine needles were relentlessly vacuumed. There were cookie parties and gift exchanges and late nights with a sugar-filled toddler.
There’s More to Celebrate?
Christmas Eve was fun, if a little tiring. The big family party had three groups: drunk adults without kids, drunk adults with older kids, drunk adults with young kids. We were in the last category, which was small. The other two groups of drunk adults did not seem to understand that 9:30 is very late for us and toddler implosion was imminent.
We eventually made it home with our surly little elf. Luckily, due to my efforts to be the most organized Mama-Santa-Christmas-Wizard, and because out kid is still little, there wasn’t a ton of assembly left and we got to bed at a somewhat reasonable time.
Christmas was wonderful. Celebrate. Drink. Repeat.
Happy New Year. Same Old Shit.
Like many people, I believe New Years to be a total crap holiday. Normally, I would barely acknowledge it. This year we had a fancy event, which meant squeezing myself into some scratchy sequins and cajoling my one-year-old into a suit. Ridiculous. To top it off, I had a terrible cold, which I treated with a Rx for whiskey that was definitely over-filled by the bartenders.
Resolve to Give Up Resolutions
New Year’s resolutions are the fly on the shit pile that is New Years. Does anyone actually believe their own bullshit when making these? The only thing I accomplish in January is staying drunk through my birthday, which in in the middle of the month.
Here we are in the end of January. Nothing has changed. The possible exception is that vegetables and sobriety don’t seem quite so terrible…
If Change is Cyclical, Does it Still Count?
Maybe this pattern of behavior, trying to change and then changing back again, is as natural as the seasons. We have to indulge to want to abstain. We deny ourselves, knowing it will be a more spectacularly human flail when we eventually let go.
Sometimes, we run in circles. It is a new year and it feels like time to make some changes. Maybe we can use that extra motivation to try a little harder to be who we want to be. It could just be our seasonal dance, keeping time. Why not lean in and sway to the rhythm, even if it all feels the same by November?