Things are good lately. My son will be two in April and he has turned into such a little kid – baby no more! He is learning so quickly. You can usually find him engaged a stream of consciousness discourse about the things he cares about. For example, that burning question: “The moon where go?” That one comes up a lot.
So yeah, he’s really cute. He’s still very much a toddler. My son needs a lot of supervision, patience, and guidance, but it’s getting easier. He only poops couple times a day, he can communicate his needs, he has most of his teeth (thank god), and we get a really nice amount of sleep. Is it time to throw all that away and have another baby?
Pregnancy Can Be The Worst
Compared to many other women, my pregnancy was not that bad. There are a lot of horror stories out there and I’ve heard quite a few. That said, for me personally, it was not magical. It was fucking torture. I had a somewhat mild case of Hyperemesis Gravidarum. I say mild, because I was not hospitalized for it.
Puking every day for 30 weeks (luckily, mine calmed down at the end, when you’re uncomfortable for a million other reasons) was exhausting. Being nauseated every waking minute, while trying to hold down a job and be a productive member of society, really sucked. Hearing well-meaning people tell me that it would get better at 12, 14, 16, and 18 weeks, while it most certainly did not, was not enjoyable.
Pregnancy was a really miserable time. I felt inescapably ill for almost a year of my life. There is a very good chance that I would have the same issues again this time around. It could be worse. Along with being a productive member of society and holding down a job, I have a small child to care for. It should be super fun.
Having Kids is Hard on Your Marriage
The thing that I’m not sure we talk about enough, is that while kids are wonderful, caring for a newborn can be a very dark time. It isn’t just the lack of sleep. There is no time to recover from pregnancy and childbirth. Breastfeeding can be extremely stressful if you run into problems.
The hope is that being in the trenches together will strengthen your relationship once the kids grow and become more independent. In the meantime, being part of a baby/toddler wrangling team can also cause a lot of resentment.
I resented being the food source and constant caregiver, while my body felt like I had been hit by a truck. My husband spent many nights awake with me, but only got a week off work for paternity leave (not enough!). Chances are, he resented trudging off to work every day while the baby and I were napping in our pjs, unshowered, and covered in breast milk.
Don’t forget that all a newborn does is eat, poop, and scream!
Lately it feels like we’re loving partners again, not disgruntled coworkers. It only took two and a half years, counting pregnancy…
Two Kids Are More Expensive Than One
Working part-time since my son was born, has been great. I wanted to spend this time with him before he’s off at school. A long maternity leave was really helpful. It’s almost like all those other developed countries are on to something!
Working less in the United States, means less money and more stress. One of the reasons I started this blog was that I needed an outlet for all my money worries. Lying awake at night, agonizing about every purchase, wondering how we could make it another month with our growing debt, was not a healthy place to be.
Once again, the light has started to shine. This is mostly due to my husband taking on extra work and a well-timed raise for me. We’re still not saving much, but the debt is paid off and we’re staying in the black (just barely).
Our son starting preschool will be a major expense. Also, if we have another baby, the hospital bill is always a fun shock. The overwhelming bills really start off with a bang! How do I balance taking care of two kids and earning money? How hard are we going to have to work? Will we ever see each other?
I guess I have new problems to keep me up at night.
Should We Ignore Everything We Know?
Yep. It may not be the smart choice, but later this year, we plan to get serious about expanding our family. I plan on enjoying this moment in our lives, before everything goes back to being a little too baby crazy.
We’d always talked about having two. If we didn’t try, we’d regret it. My husband and I both have siblings that we’re very close with. I’m not worried about loving another child as much as I love my son. I know love will not be as scarce as money, but I’m not really doing it for me.
In all honesty, having a second would be a gift to my first. We love our siblings and of course we want him to know that love. Having a sibling is like taking a crash course in conflict resolution techniques. Talk about life skills!
It’s time to mentally and physically prepare for battle. Let’s hope we can survive it all, one more time.